i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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