Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
