Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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