Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
