last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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