i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
