Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it glows. i had to have it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
