You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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