Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
