I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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