chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we're so committed to being not committed
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