Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
