And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
