I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
