I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
