; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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