y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
