im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
