saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
