if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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