I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i think i just lost a toe
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
