New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
