that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
