Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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