Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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