Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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