its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
