i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
