I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I cannot find my penis.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
