dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
