Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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