turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
