You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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