I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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