The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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