I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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