Apparently you make a good broom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
