not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
