I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
