He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
