I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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