Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Randomize
