He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
