i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
