I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
