I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
