you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
