Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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