Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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