I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
