Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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