I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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